he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
This baby is an asshole
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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