why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
false alarm. still invincible.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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