I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
