I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize