dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
