My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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