I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
