im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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