I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
