The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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