eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
