How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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