you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
