Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
