the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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