Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
