Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
