accomplished twins. life is a go
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
