were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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