what day is it and did you see me today?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
