there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
