Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
