Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
