this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
