It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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