Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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