Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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