Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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