The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
