Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I need water and some morals
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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