can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
