He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
