Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I need to calm my uterus...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize