I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
