chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize