I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
