We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
