my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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