I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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