They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
