YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
