mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
