who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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