Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
