My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
