so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Randomize