and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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