i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
