Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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