I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
