im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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