need another drink. this is the easiest way
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
