The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
