ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize