Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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