you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
