There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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