She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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