i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
