Jerry, you need to find god
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
