thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
