Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize