we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize