was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
