I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I didn't notice because vodka
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
