I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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