everyone is single if you try hard enough
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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