I can text with my tongue
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
