i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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