I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize