ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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