i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my being single is dangerous.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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