Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
