cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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